Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Even my vagina gasped.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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