Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize