Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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