Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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