are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
