Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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