Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
whose ass print is on the piano?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
