I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
