If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
