so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
