at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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