My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
