Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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