meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
