I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
