Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
