I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have fence marks all over my body
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
