they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
