i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
