I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
