Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
