It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
