just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
