Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
