and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
