quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we're making bets on your personal life
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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