I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
