genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
