your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
