I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize