Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
