dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
