I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
