My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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