in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My hand turned me down
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize