it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
