Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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