i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
