There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
