left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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