she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
