it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
