It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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