I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
