I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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