haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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