At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I smell like Dick and happiness
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
