i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
