So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
