My first STD was from a foam party
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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