Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
