he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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