Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
