I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I am one with the molecules
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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