I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
