I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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