He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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