just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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