you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize