can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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