i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
