i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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