Need sex. Gaining weight.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
