i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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