thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Watching her eat just hurts me
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
