So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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