i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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