She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
did i walk over a car last night?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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