I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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