Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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