yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
