so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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