is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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