1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
