it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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