At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
