If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize