I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
