That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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