My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
